Flowers for Mittens

Before getting into the body of this, I'd like to refer you to this poll from January, which found that 2% of American voters believe that George Romney named his kid Mittens.  Obviously, 2% is an inconsequential number and you can always get any number of people to believe stupid things.  But it makes me laugh.

And while we're talking about Mittens...

It's official!  Well, not official.  That won't happen until the convention in August.  But it is now obvious!  Well, it's not now obvious.  It's been obvious since last summer to those of us without a financial or electoral interest in extending this thing.  Through Gingrich, Bachmann, Perry, Cain, Gingrich again, Santorum, plus rumors of Chris Christie, Sarah Palin, Jeb Bush, and probably some others (really, who has time?), Mittens has survived.  Not just survived, but remained a relatively solid second-ish throughout.  Truth is, the GOP has always been about whoever's next.  Going back to Ford, through Reagan, Bush, Dole, Bush II, and McCain.  Bush II perhaps slightly less so, but after the first two term Democratic president since Truman (kinda... let's say Roosevelt?), the son of the last guy was the closest thing they had to a "next."  That's the country club/board room way.  And Romney--the effective number two from the 2008 primaries (no, Palin doesn't count as a number two... in this meaning of the phrase)--managed to do it in 2012... eventually.

So why did it take you so long, Mittens?  Well, you're a guy with a reputation for flip-flopping, for one thing.  And what choice did you have?  Have you seen what your party has become since the days of your dad?  Those named I listed above: those are not right wing featherweights.  And then they start surging over and beyond you?  The guy who looks like central casting's resident Commander-in-Chief (pre-Morgan Freeman in Deep Impact) and doesn't cause the Left to go screaming back to Obama?  Well, what do you do?  Get by on your winning personality?  Stuff like this makes you seem more like an Andy Kaufman performance art piece (Sacha Baron Cohen, maybe?) than a guy we want to have a beer with.  And when your campaign is honest?  Good Lord! 

And it's not like you can run on your record.  Your biggest achievement in public life was a law that served as a model for Obamacare.  Problem is: your party hates Obamacare.  And rather than take a risk (you know, the kind of thing a good businessman does on occasion), you jump back from it.  You could've talked about how states should be doing it and how that's more in line with the Constitution.  Can you imagine a backboned-version of you in a debate with Obama?  "I think the ACA was pretty good.  Wait, I did it first, didn't I?  And the Supreme Court of the state I did it in was okay with it, too."  Pair that with a conservative firebrand like Santorum on the bottom of the ticket to keep up your conservative cred and you are golden.  Next best thing to another financial collapse or a war in Iran (which you want, I guess?).  But you didn't.  Now you gotta wait and see how short voters' memories are. 

Oh, Mittens.  You outlasted guys that your party establishment (rightly) deemed unacceptable.  The others were batty, creepy, or... oops.  So understand that just because you got this far doesn't mean people don't view you as Meh Romney.  Marco Rubio endorses you by saying you've "earned it."  Not "this is the best man for the job" or "this is the man America needs."  But you've "earned it" (Rubio, of course, would go on to dampen his endorsement of you with just the kind of thing that Republicans are all sighing about).  But you've survived, Mittens, don't you see?  You've earned it!  Enjoy it.  

PS: I seem to recall another guy from Massachusetts who ran for president and earned his party's nomination way back in 2004.  I'll try to remember his name, get back to you.