I Forgot "Mr. Plow"

The A.V. Club acknowledges up front that no ten episodes can truly summarize The Simpsons. This admission takes some of the sting out of their snubbing of season five. One could nearly summarize the series by picking ten episodes from that season alone. Maybe it was an unadvertised challenge, leaving season five and making a difficult task even harder for no good reason. But then we scroll down and see "$pringfield" and "Bart Gets Famous" hanging out with the honorable mentions, teasing us. Like God teased Moses in the desert.

Still, it's not a bad list. It's not as though any of the ten episodes chosen by A.V. Club contributor Kyle Ryan fail to meet the criteria; "most quintessential" is easily conflated with "best" but is not the same. If I were allowed to list the thirty most quintessential episodes, I would surely hit all ten of Ryan's choices; and that would be thirty out of the 248 pre-fan fiction era episodes. That Ryan considered all 24 seasons for inclusion makes the job... well, marginally more difficult, anyway (his list includes the season eleven finale, "Behind the Laughter," while season fifteen's "The Regina Monologues" is among the also-rans). And that I agree with just four of his top ten has as much to do with the fact that the series is difficult to encapsulate as it does with the fact that Ryan is a stupid moron with an ugly face and big butt and his butt smells and he likes to kiss his own butt. 

This is a difficult task and it's probable that no two lists would look exactly alike. But that's the point of lists. You see someone compile a list of the greatest albums of all time and they put Nevermind at 18, while Led Zeppelin IV languishes at 69. Now you have to make your own goddamn list because that'll show 'em! Then you get stuck, because you know that London Calling and Born to Run both belong in the top five, but one of them has to give and, Jesus, this is hard, but at least it'll be better than that other list!

I had narrowed this list down to about thirty entries when it began to get hard. Ten cuts later, it got heartbreaking. That's why God gave us honorable mentions. It helped to remember that this is not a list of best or favorite episodes (still, cutting "Homer Goes to College" really hurt).

• "Treehouse of Horror" - Included here as a stand-in for all the "Treehouses" that followed. As the show went to hell, you could usually expect good things from these, even when they were airing closer to Thanksgiving.
• "The Way We Was" - Ryan chooses this one for its indispensable Simpsons mythology. And while it wasn't the best flashback episode they'd do (that would be "Lisa's First Word"), it did make the rest possible.
• "Marge vs. the Monorail" - The Simpsons does singing and dancing better than the original musicals it parodies. Of course, it helps when you have Phil Hartman. 
• "I Love Lisa" - Lisa gets an unfair rap from fans, oblivious to how important pathos is to comedy. And this episode has that in spades. And some prime Krusty material to boot.
• "Last Exit to Springfield" - Call and response time: "Dental Plan..."
• "Cape Feare" - You want to know how wrong Ryan's list was? No Sideshow Bob. On a list of the most quintessential Simpsons episodes, Bart's second mortal enemy goes unlisted. No stepping on rakes, no Die Bart Die, no H.M.S. Pinafore, no "Hello, Mr. Thompson." For shame, Ryan. I Kill You Scum.
• "Rosebud" - While "Last Exit" provides a decent dosage of Mr. Burns, no such list is complete without the full Monty.
• "Bart's Inner Child" - Two things: 1, Albert Brooks. 2, Springfield's easily provoked mob mentality, displayed more beautifully here than in perhaps any other episode. 
• "Bart Sells His Soul" - The Simpsons did religion/spirituality better than anyone before or since and this one toes the line of spiritual crisis without spilling into melodrama, something the subject often seems prone to. The sheer volume of Milhouse doesn't hurt, either. Plus, you know, ALF. In pog form.
• "The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show" - There, but for the Grace of God... 

Comic Book Guy: Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. 

Bart: Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain? 

Comic Book Guy: As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me. 

Bart: What? They're giving you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? If anything, you owe them. 

Comic Book Guy: *pause* Worst episode ever.

Also ran:

• "Homer at the Bat"
• "Homer the Heretic"
• "Itchy & Scratchy: The Movie"- Possibly the first to ever to be dubbed "worst episode ever"
• "Lisa's First Word"
• "Homer Goes To College"
• "The Boy Who Knew Too Much"
• "Itchy & Scratchy Land"
• "You Only Move Twice"
• "Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment"
• "Behind the Laughter"

(Picture courtesy Simpsons quotes that nobody gets anymore)