NFL 2013, Physics and Predictions

Here we go, another five months of pretending that the process of American football doesn't hideously obliterate the human brain and body and that former players don't go on to lead hellish lives that disproportionately end tragically.

I watch Jon Bostic make a hit like this and I know for a fact that such a thing is not healthy; for him or for the recipient. I also know that that $21,000 fine is probably not a hefty enough to discourage either Bostic or other young players whose brains and bodies are still mostly intact. On the other hand, I watch Jon Bostic make a hit like that and I get giddy, knowing that this is the explosive linebacker the Bears have needed since Urlacher's joints turned to dust some years back. I also know that a few well-timed hits like that should elevate the Bears deep into the playoff hunt in a division of seven to eleven win teams.

And thus the physics of large men throwing themselves at each other degrades us all. Some more immediately and intimately than others.

Here are my picks for 2013.

• NFC North winner: Green Bay* 
• NFC East winner: New York
• NFC South winner: Atlanta
• NFC West winner: Seattle
• NFC Wild Cards: San Francisco, Washington
• AFC North winner: Cincinnati
• AFC East winner: Buffalo**
• AFC South winner: Houston
• AFC West winner: Denver
• AFC Wild Cards: Kansas City, Baltimore
• NFC Title Game: Seattle over Atlanta
• AFC Title Game: Denver over Houston
• Super Bowl XLVIII: Denver over Seattle

*Ugh. When I mentioned a "division of seven to eleven win teams?" There's your 11-5 team. The other three look to be teasingly mediocre. Unless Bostic wants to shorten a few more life expectancies.

**Please, AFC East, quit being so boring. The whole division is a snooze orgy. Even the buttfumbling chaos that is the New York Jets has become dull in its predictability. We should just have New England skip the regular season, say they went 12-4, and then watch them lose hilariously in the divisional round.